


Pensieve Party

by Elfwreck



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Crack Fic, Implied Bestiality, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-09-18
Updated: 2008-09-18
Packaged: 2017-10-01 23:59:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elfwreck/pseuds/Elfwreck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dumbledore invites the Hogwarts teaching staff to an exchange of erotic memories.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pensieve Party

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by one of regan_v's posts about how pensieves might be used in the Potterverse.

Dumbledore sat at his desk, a collection of scrolls in front of him. Each needed only a name, and a personal comment or two at the end.

> _My Dear _________,_
> 
> This Saturday, as I'm sure you're aware, is the last before Hallowe'en. Accordingly, the theme for this week's gathering will be Bats, Rats and Snakes... please take a few moments this week to consider a favored memory involving one or more of those. Note: memories involving vampires will be acceptable if they have a specifically batlike theme.
> 
> Costumes are encouraged, as are pumpkin- or licorice-flavored lubricants. I look forward to seeing you all.
> 
> —"Albus, the Man with the Pan

After twirling his quill a few times, he picked up one scroll, and wrote "Minerva" in the line at the top. At the bottom, he added the following P.S.:

> _Minnie, while I know you have shared some truly... intriguing activities with rats, I'd prefer you chose a memory that occurred in human form. While the Spring Equinox session involving a sparrow was educational for us all, several of the other teachers reported that they could not look at Fawkes without blushing for several weeks._

He signed with a flourish, and picked up the next scroll.

> _Filius, _
> 
> ...
> 
> Your adventures in Tibet have never failed to entertain us all. I understand some of those Buddhist monks have mastered several forms of wordless levitation charms, including the ability to raise specific body parts individually. And don't they have some kind of rat-worship festival? I know you've never been able to resist a party!

And the next...

> _Rubeus,_
> 
> ...
> 
> Please, my friend, try to limit yourself to the creatures mentioned in the theme. Thestrals, despite having batlike wings, are not bats. Also, a couple of our younger staff members cannot see them at all, and that would add a certain awkwardness to their viewing. Perhaps something from your early post-student days? I know you spent a great deal of time visiting that belfry.

He nibbled on the quill, and doodled some brooms on the edges of the next scroll.

> _Rolanda,_
> 
> ...
> 
> Don't let the possibility that someone else has dated a vampire prevent you from sharing more about that fascinating Frenchman who taught at Beauxbatons. Armand is so very popular! Please, don't ever feel ashamed at having spent so much time enthralled by a sociopathic killer—it happens to the best of us, and so few of us come away from it with such delightful memories.

He continued writing on scrolls, curling them into tiny tubes and tying them with orange-and-black ribbon until Fawkes had quite a bundle. He came to the final one—

> _My Dear Severus,_
> 
> ...
> 
> Sev, this is your chance to astound us all. You've hinted at some of Nagini's more exotic talents in the past; I hope you will take this opportunity to share the wealth, as it were. I will have a supply of enchanted animated snakeskins (unfortunately, of the quite ordinary anaconda variety) in case anyone is adventurous enough to experiment with attempted reenactments. Please contact me if you can think of any extra preparations I should consider to allow this to be our most enjoyable pensieve party yet.

He rolled up the final paper, twitched his wand at the ribbon to wrap it, frowned a bit at the shape of the bow… surely it should not be so… suggestive? The bow wriggled under his gaze, and started moving, one string sliding back and forth across the loop, then moving faster, up and down along its length—no, it should definitely not be doing that. He tapped it sharply with his wand, and it went still.

He gave it to Fawkes, who chirruped as he added it to the cluster in his claws, and then flew off towards the Great Hall.

Then, since he could not recall a single erotic thing he'd ever done with or near a bat, rat or snake, he closed and locked his door. He cleared his desk, except for his quill, inkpot and a brass bell. He waved his wand over the set: The quill became a grey-and-white serpent with a feather pattern on its back; the inkpot tipped over and spilled blotches which turned into a cluster of bats, fluttering around his head, and the bell was transformed into a tawny rat with metallic teeth. He waved his wand again, and the desk turned into a bed.

Albus took off his robes and set to making some memories worth sharing.


End file.
